Ephemeral Delusion

Saturday, January 29, 2011, 8:25 PM

So after a long week, I am trying to get most stuffs done before another crazy next week comes. Before Wednesday at least, I figured. I am almost certain now that there is never perfection in life, because all these while after trying to damn hard to equilibrate, things just get mixed up. Like how doing the make-up first will ruin your dress; but wearing the dress first hinders the applying of your make-up.

I think a personal flaw of mine is falling too easily, in an inelegant manner as a matter of fact. It's insanely dumb, albeit seeing a danger sign and yet choosing to put a foot into the manhole. Somehow I tend to mix up fun with danger. Or do they compliment each other in reality? I've got no idea man.




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Monday, January 24, 2011, 3:20 AM

And woah, you are young and adventurous, but can you picture yourself to be at that particular frame years down the fucking road?

I am having trouble, because honestly the only reason is how marvelously the society had integrated me (almost too perfectly) into their mainframe structure.

Subtle! And fewer angst thoughts; there must be a way to bring the fixation into equilibrium, trust me!




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Saturday, January 15, 2011, 2:11 AM
Honestly what are the chances

Are we not speaking the probability language now? Oh is it not called the Bayesian statistics- except that I tend to manipulate all prior knowledge to my advantage before processing, which is unhealthy of course.

"Nah", my alter will refute, "she will tilt everything into equilibrium before you have the chance to realize that anything is amiss." My alter then continues emphatically, "don't 'cha know her speed of reaction is lesser than 3 seconds?"

Yeah right.

It cannot be more pathetic than finding a smoother way to ease out of bed in the morning, or having everyone sporting that anticipating stare into the goddamn screen. Damn I miss that indifferent asskicking attitude of mine. Maybe if I wake up tomorrow, Ms. I-dont-give-a-fuck will descend, and I shall return in being a punk.





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Monday, January 10, 2011, 8:39 PM

Pitter-patter the rain, had cold droplets of ear shattering dews covering the island for as long as I was slipping in and out of consciousness. Rare were the times I reject a dinner date; and so was it rare for me to pass up the chance to savor adoring goodies.

The blue moon, for I have met my match today.

To think on the sunnier side, presentation was a breeze, but still I am feeling acrimonious about having little say to having to be overly animated for a good half a day, in which I am fixated about it aggravating my sickness.

There you have it, the s- word. Reluctant as I am, I think I am taking time off and going to the wellness center for the betterment of my own health in the long run. URGH.




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Saturday, January 8, 2011, 10:04 PM

Isn't it strange? I have always thought that I am someone who knows what I am out for, but in every aspects I wish it had been easier as compared to a piece of homework, choosing what to wear, or even what to have for lunch. Rather than presenting an orthodox, I generally prefer less mind-boggling syntaxes with little or zero efforts needed for solution.

Conclusion and resolution one: quit being the ostrich, without slipping into limbo. That would refer to MY definition of hell though, haha.





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Wednesday, January 5, 2011, 2:42 AM

Urgh, too much for my little head at this moment.




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